alive

yeah,im not dead,nothing much to update.life is still like that.seeking solution.problem that can be solve is neva a problem.Problem that i can't solve,just fuck it cuz anyway it wouldn't be able to be solve.so just take it.

try to be calm again.will try alotz harder these few days.i do my best.

not happy

yeah 2day is the chinese new year eve.Everyone is having dinner 2gether with their family.me too did the same thing.all right i start to feel not all right bcuz i din wana write anything in my blog maybe.new year new resolution rite.okay,change myself.change into someone even i cannot recognised.and hide the real me inside.

basically din do anything.just having alotz of thought and alotz of thoughts.thats all only.but wat type of thoughtz.im not gonna tell.i think thats all,not gonna write anything anymore.just update my daily happening.

Haihz,ang eng seng,ang eng seng.

-seng-

我不懂！！！

新年要到了，我不想写一些不吉利或不好听的东西。所以这篇会比较短。因为心情更差，一点好转都没有。只能说事事都不顺。以前是喝酒多，现在却是抽烟多。

不管了，不能再写，不然会破坏气氛。大家都那么的开心。就祝福大家新的一年都幸福快乐吧！

-申-

i give myself up

2day woke up.not too sad not too happy.it just a normal day for me.just hope to pass these day smoothly.but,stupid pc can't start even for few hours.already iritated. Then, got call by lawyer saying that customer complain bcuz some charges she needs to pay.okay, then just second later customer called me.she fuck me upside down.she claim that its my fault and stuff like that.bcuz of RM400.and come on she's taking a 500,000 loan.and she has the ability to but a few property. she scolded me and demand for some comfirmation by me before end day.was frustrated already. Then seek help from boss,she has been MIA almost for the whole day.

So verbally she ask me to email to mortgage center people.and there people twist and turn stuff,everybody also put the blame on me while the file is already long gone from branch.its not at our place anymore.so lawyer is frustrated,boss is not helping,other departments are not even helping.so every one make me so pissed off and im like come on i got other thingz to do why the fuck u guys keep on bothering me. I was like come on is oni 400,this amount of money make me get all those bull shit and stuff.

Then one of my big case got rejected as well.then one of the senior which alwiz create problem 2day create another problem that get me involves as well. when other branch people asking for help,if they asked me i straight away say okay.ask the most senior one oso she will be fine.but she ask this lady.so this senior is like fucking iritating keep on giving fucking excuse and trying to dun do it for them.so the other branch people got pissed and ask me for help.so i say okay straight away. then my eldest senior is not happy and tell boss about this.and then everyone come and ask me about what had happen and shits like that.im like come on leave me alone. My senior that helps me cuz she dun like alwiz me doing all these rubbish and end up boss will accuse me for not giving her figure.so she alwiz help me.

But 2day when all this happen,i really give myself up.i start thinking whether is my future here anot.i give me.i feel that im useless.i dunno about everything that is happening.im just a nobody,a failure which can't contribute anything.im very stress and not happy.i hate being like that.and i din wana tell anyone bcuz i dun wan anyone to worry.besides they might not be interested wif what had happen to me oso. I dun wana anyone to pity me.i decided to keep everything inside my heart.feeling very bad.bitter maybe.as a person to be so useless,i really dunno wat i wan.im lost and stuff.i used to be a confident guy,but now im just a demoralised asshole which is blocking other people's way.i am 100% sure im leaving this bank.where is my next station i really dunno.maybe other bank or maybe other industry.hate everything that happen.feel that im not that strong i thought i were.i trying very hard to survive but survival game is making me more and more tired and demotivated.

actually there is more thingz but din wanna say all.already very not happy.really dun have the mood.what CNY,valentine and birthday.i feel is so extra now.i just hope i can be ignore and quietly pass all these day.cuz i really wanna calm down myself.i have lost my patient.

-seng- dead 11/02/2010

thoughtz

alotz of thoughtz and fucking tired.alotz of thing pops into my mind.and from feel like blogging until 2day i got no mood until blog oso im not in the mood.recently alotz of thingz has happen to me and so make me not calm at all.emotion like going on a roller coaster riding up and down.i oso dunno wats wrong wif me.

okay,chinese new year coming,valentine coming,birthday also coming,im pretending to be excited and happy.but i am in fact.not in the mood to celebrate anything.just feel like hide myself at one corner there to pass through all these days oni.well,i dunno wat is wrong wif me.anyway im still acting normal.acting is not easy.2day i feel more tired than usually.smoke more often recently.i know its neva a good thing but i just couldn't help it.hahaz,anyway i am who i am mah,i dun care adi bout stuff like that.

well,its been a while din go for beer drinking session.din wanna go bcuz i know the next time i go,definitely i will drink alotz,and perhaps the next morning will feel damm bad.hardcore alcoholic consumer.why am i like that ah?hopefully my emotion can be peaceful again.calm most important.i can neva be until 2day.

c i dunno wat im writing again 2day.im so lost.im like a no soul zombie these days.and alwiz send sms wif lyrics inside.i oso dunno why i do this.i really have no idea anyway.but i just did.come on.ang eng seng.ang eng seng.u ah...........

update again.2day really not okay.
-seng-

今天想写华语。。。

好了，要新年了，如果你不喜欢看到悲悲的东西就不要再看下去咯。今天也有很多东西想写。其实这几天已经写了很多东西了，可是都乱七八糟的。因为我根本都不能把我的心情平伏下来好好的写。现在，我偿试用一个平静的心来慢慢写。

今天的我很颓废加自曝自弃，我就很像没有目的地工作。可是很好笑，当你心情很坏的时候就是最不想工作的时候。当然你的脸也很讨人厌。可是我刚刚相反，当我今天心情掉进谷底的时候我有一个客人的汽车贷款批准了，另一个来申请汽车贷款。还有一个背景不错的客人终于都有时间帮我了，她申请私人贷款。还被顾客赞。陪笑，可是我那时超不开心的。所以我这个人还真的很假叻。

那天，在网上看到一个短片。那个短片说，在这个世界上的感情，你会遇到三个不同的人。第一个是他很爱你的人，但是这个人不会和你长久，因为他太爱你了所以你不会爱他。然后，你会遇到第二个人，这个人是一个你很爱的人，可是这个人通常都不会跟你长久，原因是一样的，就是你太爱他了所以他不会爱你。过后，终于到了第三个人，这个人不是你的最爱，他最爱也不是你，但是因为两个人能互相了解然后在一起到很久很久。 看了这个短片之后想了更多，但是并不代表任同。而是觉得，如果要在一起就和最爱的那个人，如果不能够和他在一起那不如一个人。不过每个人的想法都不一样。可能我比较另类吧。

然后，最近的我在逃避。我在逃避与人接触。逃避与家人的接触，逃避和朋友的接触，逃避和同事的接触，逃避与所有人接触，就连上网都没给人看到。已经不知到是几时开始变成这样可是真的真的变成了这样。忽然想起。你也曾说过你也有酱的一段时间。我终于了解到你那时的感受咯。真的很奇怪。

还有很多东西想写，可是我现在不懂怎么写下去了。心情完全不能够平伏下来。算了。明天再继续吧。

心里的天气-超级的十号台风《狂风爆雨》

明天见！！！！！！！！

还是想追星。

-申-

all mixed up?

argh,im so so mixed up.blur blur X10........................................ Its a new year, And alotz of thing has just suddenly hit me. Lets start with work bah, actually it reach the time for my work comfirmation already but then my boss didn'y wanna comfirm me because she thinks that im not fit to be comfirm,example like 70 is the score to be comfirm she can even give me just 67 and ask me to sign on the probation extention.i was like what the fuck u r thinking? She can even tell me that u r helping enough but sales still we look at figure u know.And the thing is KRA of mine is achieve almost everymonth up till now.Seriously after that day im super upset. And then i have started to do alotz of planning for my career advancement because of my cheap salary they gave me. I dun think there will be opportunities under this person. Besides not enough support we get.how can we be competitive enough.

Anyway,there is already offer coming in and all i need to do is to wait. I believe there will surely be a place which i can go and have a more comfortable earnings. Just that choosing is a bit difficult as well.

And im very happy having a dream come true. I really din expect that to happen. Alotz of thingz i wanna say but i can't say because i wanna keep it just between us oni. So mixed up now my brain. Is not functioning huh......

dunno how 2 continue with my blog nowadays. but as i said i will update u my weekly happening just incase u didn't have time to catch up wif me again. xoxo.love u oh. missing u like mad. Really appreciate thingz u have done for me. Take good carez of urself.


26/1/10
seng