just reach home.

awww,i feel so tired after so many days lack of sleep.im really exhausted.start from 2day onwards we got to be hardworking babeh.i need to achieve my goals by end year.actually mood is just so so.alotz of thing i wanna write but maybe too long neva sleep now brain is not really working so yupe.i canot structure things out properly.add on some extra soon.

mood is calm and only calm.nothing else.

-seng-

Happy Birthday Seng

okay,2day i am having my 24th big day.hehez.i din celebrate it anywhere but hide at home.bcuz no mood for cakes,din wana go club,neva go drinking.so what i do is i enjoy my peaceful and quiet birthday.receving sms and comment in facebook by friend all.and that already make me feel so good.

and i need to thank everyone that wishes me.u guys make me feel so sweet and so warm.well supposing got alotz i wanna write but now brain is not functioning that well.im confuse.ohya in 5 hours time im going up to penang already.trip with my primary school mate.so i guess im not sleeping bah 2nite.see how it goes bah.

24th this year.needs to plan well.goal no 1.make alotz of money to cover family.goal no.2 is get a passport and travel to at least 1 inside malaysia 1 outside malaysia.goal no 3 is to meet for the 3rd time.and i wish everyone around me of cuz included my family to be healthy and happy alwiz.no matter what happens everyone still will be able to go on.happily.with a smile on the face.

we need to be as positive as we could.dunno what to write sumore.maybe conclude everything again soon.

mood-sweet in the heart.

-seng-

30 minutes more.

2day is my younger brother birthday.i was too tired before so sharp at 12a.m. his friend came into the room to celebrate for him.and they try say hi wif me but im too tired so i cover my face wif blanket bcuz im really exhausted.travelling is killing me. actually up till 2day im still exhausted bcuz 2day went working.really not feeling so cool.mood is not so okay.

Anyway, another 30 minutes more than will be my birthday,actually quite alotz of people asking me out for movie and stuff.But i really dun have the mood.im sorry.but this year i dun wana have any cakes nor any celebration. And then i have been keep on hiding myself.hide inside my house.lol,im not doing it on purpose.im just trying to keep myself calm.bcuz stay alone can keep myself peaceful.

i really dunno wat else to update.let me think think and see.

well basically nothing.prepare for a great day stupid stupid me.a most normal and not noticeable birthday is reaching.

-seng-

Dream

According to some people.we have to be realistic,dun dream.But somehow i just couldn't stop myself from dreaming.maybe we need to be realistic,but i still dream because i think it does makes me smile.pieces love dreaming anyway.

then,2day went to my primary school class teacher house for CNY visiting. Teacher house is big and nice cuz just renovated. Then all of us lunch 2gether and gamble a while.of cuz im the loser alwiz lose money.But we did spend time til maybe 4 something. Actually was winning,then received a call from elder bro and knew that he is suffering so lose the mood and keep losing since then.

But luckily,im a bit more calm than before.everything that happens is like just normal to me.last nite saw the drama final episode.the chef say in life, spicy,sour,salty,bitter and in the end oni u can feel sweet.bcuz if without all those u wouldn't appreciate what u have.so no matter what happen.i still think i shall just remain calm.not over joy or over sad.just treat it like its nothing.

close your eyes,and calm down.

update again soon.

-seng-

20/2/2010

4 more days to younger bro birthday and 5 more days is mine birthday.1st wish i get is on 26/1/2010.is a super early wish.and then 2nd wish came from WWF.is actually a birthday card that they send with my name on top. when i received this card i feel surprise.i think its sweet?yeah,my emotional finally become a bit calm.bcuz when received this card i remember why i did support them.cuz i think the animal needs help.maybe our contribution may not be alot.but as long as we did help.is the heart that matters.

And i start thinking,as long as im healthy and im not dead.thats all good already.i couldn't ask for more.so now im a bit more calm and less stress.dunno what else to update.but didn't wanna celebrate my birthday cuz not in the mood.

update soon.

-seng-

alive

yeah,im not dead,nothing much to update.life is still like that.seeking solution.problem that can be solve is neva a problem.Problem that i can't solve,just fuck it cuz anyway it wouldn't be able to be solve.so just take it.

try to be calm again.will try alotz harder these few days.i do my best.

not happy

yeah 2day is the chinese new year eve.Everyone is having dinner 2gether with their family.me too did the same thing.all right i start to feel not all right bcuz i din wana write anything in my blog maybe.new year new resolution rite.okay,change myself.change into someone even i cannot recognised.and hide the real me inside.

basically din do anything.just having alotz of thought and alotz of thoughts.thats all only.but wat type of thoughtz.im not gonna tell.i think thats all,not gonna write anything anymore.just update my daily happening.

Haihz,ang eng seng,ang eng seng.

-seng-

我不懂！！！

新年要到了，我不想写一些不吉利或不好听的东西。所以这篇会比较短。因为心情更差，一点好转都没有。只能说事事都不顺。以前是喝酒多，现在却是抽烟多。

不管了，不能再写，不然会破坏气氛。大家都那么的开心。就祝福大家新的一年都幸福快乐吧！

-申-

i give myself up

2day woke up.not too sad not too happy.it just a normal day for me.just hope to pass these day smoothly.but,stupid pc can't start even for few hours.already iritated. Then, got call by lawyer saying that customer complain bcuz some charges she needs to pay.okay, then just second later customer called me.she fuck me upside down.she claim that its my fault and stuff like that.bcuz of RM400.and come on she's taking a 500,000 loan.and she has the ability to but a few property. she scolded me and demand for some comfirmation by me before end day.was frustrated already. Then seek help from boss,she has been MIA almost for the whole day.

So verbally she ask me to email to mortgage center people.and there people twist and turn stuff,everybody also put the blame on me while the file is already long gone from branch.its not at our place anymore.so lawyer is frustrated,boss is not helping,other departments are not even helping.so every one make me so pissed off and im like come on i got other thingz to do why the fuck u guys keep on bothering me. I was like come on is oni 400,this amount of money make me get all those bull shit and stuff.

Then one of my big case got rejected as well.then one of the senior which alwiz create problem 2day create another problem that get me involves as well. when other branch people asking for help,if they asked me i straight away say okay.ask the most senior one oso she will be fine.but she ask this lady.so this senior is like fucking iritating keep on giving fucking excuse and trying to dun do it for them.so the other branch people got pissed and ask me for help.so i say okay straight away. then my eldest senior is not happy and tell boss about this.and then everyone come and ask me about what had happen and shits like that.im like come on leave me alone. My senior that helps me cuz she dun like alwiz me doing all these rubbish and end up boss will accuse me for not giving her figure.so she alwiz help me.

But 2day when all this happen,i really give myself up.i start thinking whether is my future here anot.i give me.i feel that im useless.i dunno about everything that is happening.im just a nobody,a failure which can't contribute anything.im very stress and not happy.i hate being like that.and i din wana tell anyone bcuz i dun wan anyone to worry.besides they might not be interested wif what had happen to me oso. I dun wana anyone to pity me.i decided to keep everything inside my heart.feeling very bad.bitter maybe.as a person to be so useless,i really dunno wat i wan.im lost and stuff.i used to be a confident guy,but now im just a demoralised asshole which is blocking other people's way.i am 100% sure im leaving this bank.where is my next station i really dunno.maybe other bank or maybe other industry.hate everything that happen.feel that im not that strong i thought i were.i trying very hard to survive but survival game is making me more and more tired and demotivated.

actually there is more thingz but din wanna say all.already very not happy.really dun have the mood.what CNY,valentine and birthday.i feel is so extra now.i just hope i can be ignore and quietly pass all these day.cuz i really wanna calm down myself.i have lost my patient.

-seng- dead 11/02/2010

thoughtz

alotz of thoughtz and fucking tired.alotz of thing pops into my mind.and from feel like blogging until 2day i got no mood until blog oso im not in the mood.recently alotz of thingz has happen to me and so make me not calm at all.emotion like going on a roller coaster riding up and down.i oso dunno wats wrong wif me.

okay,chinese new year coming,valentine coming,birthday also coming,im pretending to be excited and happy.but i am in fact.not in the mood to celebrate anything.just feel like hide myself at one corner there to pass through all these days oni.well,i dunno wat is wrong wif me.anyway im still acting normal.acting is not easy.2day i feel more tired than usually.smoke more often recently.i know its neva a good thing but i just couldn't help it.hahaz,anyway i am who i am mah,i dun care adi bout stuff like that.

well,its been a while din go for beer drinking session.din wanna go bcuz i know the next time i go,definitely i will drink alotz,and perhaps the next morning will feel damm bad.hardcore alcoholic consumer.why am i like that ah?hopefully my emotion can be peaceful again.calm most important.i can neva be until 2day.

c i dunno wat im writing again 2day.im so lost.im like a no soul zombie these days.and alwiz send sms wif lyrics inside.i oso dunno why i do this.i really have no idea anyway.but i just did.come on.ang eng seng.ang eng seng.u ah...........

update again.2day really not okay.
-seng-

今天想写华语。。。

好了，要新年了，如果你不喜欢看到悲悲的东西就不要再看下去咯。今天也有很多东西想写。其实这几天已经写了很多东西了，可是都乱七八糟的。因为我根本都不能把我的心情平伏下来好好的写。现在，我偿试用一个平静的心来慢慢写。

今天的我很颓废加自曝自弃，我就很像没有目的地工作。可是很好笑，当你心情很坏的时候就是最不想工作的时候。当然你的脸也很讨人厌。可是我刚刚相反，当我今天心情掉进谷底的时候我有一个客人的汽车贷款批准了，另一个来申请汽车贷款。还有一个背景不错的客人终于都有时间帮我了，她申请私人贷款。还被顾客赞。陪笑，可是我那时超不开心的。所以我这个人还真的很假叻。

那天，在网上看到一个短片。那个短片说，在这个世界上的感情，你会遇到三个不同的人。第一个是他很爱你的人，但是这个人不会和你长久，因为他太爱你了所以你不会爱他。然后，你会遇到第二个人，这个人是一个你很爱的人，可是这个人通常都不会跟你长久，原因是一样的，就是你太爱他了所以他不会爱你。过后，终于到了第三个人，这个人不是你的最爱，他最爱也不是你，但是因为两个人能互相了解然后在一起到很久很久。 看了这个短片之后想了更多，但是并不代表任同。而是觉得，如果要在一起就和最爱的那个人，如果不能够和他在一起那不如一个人。不过每个人的想法都不一样。可能我比较另类吧。

然后，最近的我在逃避。我在逃避与人接触。逃避与家人的接触，逃避和朋友的接触，逃避和同事的接触，逃避与所有人接触，就连上网都没给人看到。已经不知到是几时开始变成这样可是真的真的变成了这样。忽然想起。你也曾说过你也有酱的一段时间。我终于了解到你那时的感受咯。真的很奇怪。

还有很多东西想写，可是我现在不懂怎么写下去了。心情完全不能够平伏下来。算了。明天再继续吧。

心里的天气-超级的十号台风《狂风爆雨》

明天见！！！！！！！！

还是想追星。

-申-