i give myself up

2day woke up.not too sad not too happy.it just a normal day for me.just hope to pass these day smoothly.but,stupid pc can't start even for few hours.already iritated. Then, got call by lawyer saying that customer complain bcuz some charges she needs to pay.okay, then just second later customer called me.she fuck me upside down.she claim that its my fault and stuff like that.bcuz of RM400.and come on she's taking a 500,000 loan.and she has the ability to but a few property. she scolded me and demand for some comfirmation by me before end day.was frustrated already. Then seek help from boss,she has been MIA almost for the whole day.

So verbally she ask me to email to mortgage center people.and there people twist and turn stuff,everybody also put the blame on me while the file is already long gone from branch.its not at our place anymore.so lawyer is frustrated,boss is not helping,other departments are not even helping.so every one make me so pissed off and im like come on i got other thingz to do why the fuck u guys keep on bothering me. I was like come on is oni 400,this amount of money make me get all those bull shit and stuff.

Then one of my big case got rejected as well.then one of the senior which alwiz create problem 2day create another problem that get me involves as well. when other branch people asking for help,if they asked me i straight away say okay.ask the most senior one oso she will be fine.but she ask this lady.so this senior is like fucking iritating keep on giving fucking excuse and trying to dun do it for them.so the other branch people got pissed and ask me for help.so i say okay straight away. then my eldest senior is not happy and tell boss about this.and then everyone come and ask me about what had happen and shits like that.im like come on leave me alone. My senior that helps me cuz she dun like alwiz me doing all these rubbish and end up boss will accuse me for not giving her figure.so she alwiz help me.

But 2day when all this happen,i really give myself up.i start thinking whether is my future here anot.i give me.i feel that im useless.i dunno about everything that is happening.im just a nobody,a failure which can't contribute anything.im very stress and not happy.i hate being like that.and i din wana tell anyone bcuz i dun wan anyone to worry.besides they might not be interested wif what had happen to me oso. I dun wana anyone to pity me.i decided to keep everything inside my heart.feeling very bad.bitter maybe.as a person to be so useless,i really dunno wat i wan.im lost and stuff.i used to be a confident guy,but now im just a demoralised asshole which is blocking other people's way.i am 100% sure im leaving this bank.where is my next station i really dunno.maybe other bank or maybe other industry.hate everything that happen.feel that im not that strong i thought i were.i trying very hard to survive but survival game is making me more and more tired and demotivated.

actually there is more thingz but din wanna say all.already very not happy.really dun have the mood.what CNY,valentine and birthday.i feel is so extra now.i just hope i can be ignore and quietly pass all these day.cuz i really wanna calm down myself.i have lost my patient.

-seng- dead 11/02/2010